NOSOTROS

We have lived so much, maybe two full life’s already but we have only been together for 4 years.
I have changed so much, maybe way too much but I have not recollection of any of the changes. 
You have been here and there, and maybe in too many ways everywhere but yet you haven’t fully been here for me. 

I was had a dream. 
I dreamt of true love, I dreamt of pure connection, I  dreamt of a child and a dad , I dreamt of us , and white dress and six bare feet walking no longer alone. I dreamt of you.
But that “you” was only a dream, an invention, a vision and a desperate wishing. Only a hope. 
A hope that kept me waiting for things to change but things don’t change, we do. 
And we have changed. 
My love came, it wasn’t true 
My connection found its other end, it wasn’t pure 
My child was born, my man became a dad 
We created us, you are sleeping next to me 
But my hope is surrendering
There is not white, we three are walking alongside but hearts feel six feet apart. 
There is a beat, there is still a pulse, but the clock does not stop. 
The dream of love can turn habit.
The dream of white can turn gray.
The dream of you can turn away. 
The dream of us can turn nostalgia. 
The six feet will be four soon enough. 
The little ones we hold today will get wings and flew away tomorrow. 
Then I wonder, would we still be us? 

A Dream of a Walk

I was walking in the desert,

I was lonely, tired and thirsty.

But I kept walking; I kept looking... I kept wishing.

Wishing for something I was not sure I wanted.

Time went by, 

the path became flat 

and I found many hands to hold. 

I held some, 

I loved one 

and cried that one and a couple more.

Then,

I stopped walking, 

I sat and rested.

I found myself tired,

I found water, fresh air and a bench. 

I suddenly had many smiles surrounding the way. 

I took a deep breath and desired to walk the way as I did the first time... Using only my feet. 

I walked alone,

I walked away, 

I sighed out my sadness.

I felt fine.

I was walking in the desert,

he was holding my hand and I was holding his gaze.

What great state of mind!

I looked to the right to keep me sane 

and to the left to keep me kind to myself. 

I looked to the front and I saw his arms. 

he was waiting to be hugged.

I looked up and I saw the sky,

It was promising me no more thirst and a few more tears.

I looked down and I saw my feet.

My feet, those that could take me anywhere... 

Then I thought,

I could run or I could stay.

Yet I didn’t stay, neither did I run.

I kept walking and I kept looking at his eyes.

I stopped just to feel the breeze, to understand the basics of this walk...

With or without his hand, my smile will stay, and my feet can always take me back to this place. 

Then I smiled at him and he smiled back at me.